I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
