I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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