It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
