I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
