her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
