my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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