sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
