stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize