he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We talked him into tasing himself.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
