Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
