Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
