things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I will pee on everything he values.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Randomize
