please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
