ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
