I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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