i permit you to call me
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
