saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
