you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
