Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
