guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
