what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
