How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
