I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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