btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
