Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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