I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Randomize
