well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
