I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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