I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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