And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
