We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
