you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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