i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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