he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
