Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You are the jesus of drinking
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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