yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
