I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize