I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
