need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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