Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
