I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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