there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I have tasted many bathrooms
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
