we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Pants are for mortals
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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