drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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