i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize