when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
