She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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