thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
