so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
