The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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