They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
