we have pet lesbian snakes
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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