On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
