I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Randomize
