You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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