Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
