What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Randomize
