She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
