The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
