I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
