And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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