I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
