It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
