it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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