I'm going to jail i love you
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
