it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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