she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
