R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
