Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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