I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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