its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
