You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
please come you make the beer taste better
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
