Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
